by Catherine Cao
Father in heaven,
Letter 1
I’m back again, asking for strength and courage as you have commanded (Deuteronomy 31:6-8, NIV). I've been asked to write for Agathos, but I feel hesitant. While I believe in You and Your teachings, I'm certainly not knowledgeable enough to write a comprehensive article about my faith. However, I hope to use a few stream-of-consciousness letters to share my thoughts as a simple believer in your goodness.
Letter 2
Even in the most mundane daily activities such as stargazing at Farley Field, or paddling through Aziscohos Valley, I’m compelled to appreciate nature as all aspects of creation “sing for joy” (Psalms 96:11- 13). And, to even think about creation’s whole dependency upon your eminent character of transcendence shown through how you crafted what currently is from what was not (Hebrews 11:3), I’m undeniably learning to experience the breath of every living thing as universal, eternal proclamations to your glory (Job 12:7-10).
Besides marveling at these testimonies of your eternal power and divine nature (Romans 1:20), I take confidence from moments on the Appalachian Trails, looking at all the “birds of the air” and “lilies of the field” (Matthew 6:8-26). I might be a mere tiny mortal, but since in your words I’m “worth more than many sparrows” (Luke 12:7) whom you’ve provided for, I know that I’m in good hands because you sustain me and think about me so much more than I may comprehend (Psalms 139).
Letter 3
When I’m admiring nature as a recreational activity with no harrowing worries, it’s easy to see goodness in all your creation (Genesis 1), but when I’m pulled back into “the real world,” it can feel like a flipped side. Even in nature itself, there’s a lot of cruelty.
I guess as I’ve began rereading the books of Genesis, Psalms, and Apostle Paul’s writings on the nature of creation verse by verse, chapter after chapter every week, I'm starting to struggle with a question that many people grapple with: if You are sovereign and have created all things to be good, why does suffering exist in the world? Despite seeking answers from other Christians, I haven't found any satisfying explanations. My friends may not understand my confusion, and pastors give me abstract answers difficult to grasp. It's hard for me to come to terms through their reasoning.
Letter 4
I've been trying to summarize the arguments I heard from these confident Christians who had no trouble reconciling the confusing aspects of your world and order. They often quoted St. Augustine, a prominent figure in the Christian community, who argued:
• Suffering is self-inflicted because sin is self-damaging
• You inflicted suffering as a response to sin
• Suffering reveals both good and evil
• Through suffering, we can distinguish temporary from lasting goodness
• Suffering in You, just as Christ has suffered, perfects us
• Sometimes, You permit suffering to humble us and prevent worse consequences from pride It's a lot to work with for my (not so big) Bowdoin brain, so I need time to think about it.
Letter 5
What I'm gathering is that suffering exists because of Adam and Eve's disobedience, despite knowing the consequences of death - both spiritual and physical (Genesis 2:15- 17). But what does that have to do with everyone else who didn't get to make that decision and is now dragged along with it, literally the entirety of mankind and animals and plants? And what about the billions of people who've existed on this planet and have been dealing with the consequences of "sin [entering] the world through one man" (Romans 5:12)? Besides, I don't even want to dive into the free will and determinism debate surrounding Adam's creation and whether he would make the same choice if he could relive his life.
It's been a few months, and while these aspirations sound noble and heroic, I’m not sure if I can reconcile that with Your image as a loving and understanding God.
Letter 6
On this topic, a friend recently asked me about the definition of good and evil. Considering that you went great lengths to declare that what you created was good (Genesis 1:4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25) with a particular emphasis on concluding day six on the goodness of all your creations (Genesis 1:31), I think it’s important for me to take a step back in really considering the purpose of creation to understand the meaning of goodness in the biblical context. As a thought experiment, sometimes I’ve played with the idea that you created all things for the enjoyment of mankind. After all, as God you are selfsufficient and not in need of anything, and you’ve intentionally provided the conditions of the world to be filled with mankind as its inhabitants (Genesis 1:1-31). The end of creation would ultimately be the happiness of the creatures – us. However, in circling back to the original question, this fails to explain suffering. Besides, we exist because you are God, rather than vice-versa, so it would inherently be flawed to argue that you allowed creation to exist for the purpose of promoting creation itself. You’re not dependent on us to be known, and your nature stands apart from creation.
On the flip side of that assertion would be – creation exists for your glorification. I don’t believe in having to reason through every argument for it to be considered as a correct statement, because I know this one is based on the truth simply because it is substantiated by biblical scripture, such as in Isaiah 43:7.
I guess it’s important to work with the premise that you are unchanging with an everlasting dominion (Psalm 145:13), and hence the goodness of your creation cannot be corrupted despite the introduction of sin. In your infinite wisdom and power, all that you’ve created has been and eternally continues to be good. So how do I come to an understanding of the goodness of your creation while recognizing the realities of conditions we face today?
Letter 7
Perhaps goodness in your scripture refers to the fulfillment of its purpose. Creation is good because it exists to glorify you – “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things” (Revelation 4:11). It’s easy to see that the cosmos was created for your exultation, as the famous verse goes, “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands” (Psalm 19:1). But it’s also inspiring to be reminded that we have also been called for the same intention, “Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory” (Isaiah 43:7).
I find this encouraging. As God, you are not dependent on glory and creation for anything. Creation itself does not increase, but simply declares Your glory. Yet despite your complete independence and sovereignty from needing anything in your creation, you chose in your free will to create. And since the purpose of such creation is to reveal Your great wisdom and power, it is good.
Letter 8
I’m still trying to reach the epiphany moment of truly understanding what I wrote from my half-thoughts, but I’m confident that an earnest understanding will come to me one day.
In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.
H