BY JULIETTE MIN

It took me weeks to acknowledge that I was actually relieved when Bowdoin College went remote for the rest of Spring 2020. Receiving this news from the safety of my home mid Spring Break, I’m sure some would have thought this relief had come from fear of leaving a safe environment and contracting the disease. The shameful reality, however, was that my relief had less to do with the virus and more with the state of my own heart. It came from the immense need to slow down and take a moment to rest and reflect. It felt so selfish that I was ashamed to admit it, but months leading up to Spring Break, I had been exhausted and drained from fighting a fight I could not win.

As I began to reflect on these feelings, I began to question my heart: “Why was I feeling this way?” Surely God was with me through it all at Bowdoin— I had no reason to feel like I was running on empty. Our Bible studies and Friday fellowships were increasing in number and so blessed by God’s provision. My professors were opening up new ideas and knowledge and I loved grabbing meals and spending time with my peers. I had made for myself a home at Bowdoin, and was so thankful for everything God had blessed me with. But why was I joyous to spend the rest of my semester at home? Why did it feel as though staying here for a little while longer was a blessing from God, allowing me a moment to be refreshed and renewed? Feeling as though I was gifted with time to savor precious moments with my parents and sisters, my heart was overfilled with thankfulness.

But in the meantime, as a sophomore who was desperately running a race to secure my summer internship for next year and planning for my year abroad at the highly coveted Oxford University, I quickly became riddled with vulnerability and fear as I felt the pain and frustration of uncertainty surrounding future plans. While at Bowdoin, I was told to network like my life depended on it, partake in summer research that would make my resume stand out, and be so prepared that when one plan falters I have two more backups to choose from and connections to leverage. When Bowdoin officially cancelled this year’s summer opportunities, next year's internships were dwindling in number, and I quickly started receiving rejections from the finance firms I had been applying to, I realized upon reassessment that I wasn’t even sure why I was so adamant about working in finance in the first place. I was blinded by ambition in pursuit of prestige, success, and honor that I felt wasn’t satisfying God’s purpose for me in this world.

As things at home settled in, I took the period of self-isolation as a uniquely given opportunity to reflect. Participating in weekly studies from the study center on the Book of Jeremiah, I examined how God interacted with the nation of Judah and searched for parallels in my life, my conduct, and where I had placed God.

In Jeremiah 7:8-10, we can see that the nation of Judah was not acting in a way that was pleasing to God.

“Behold, you trust in deceptive words to no avail. Will you steal, murder, commit adultery, swear falsely, make offerings to Baal, and go after other gods that you have not known, and then come and stand before me in this house, which is called by my name, and say, ‘We are delivered!’— only to go on doing all these abominations?” (Jeremiah 7:8-10 ESV)

Through these verses, we learn that the people of Judah didn’t practice what they preached. Compromising holiness with selfishness and complacency, they believed that God would continue to bless their nation regardless of their heart and conduct. From individual choices to institutional failures, Judah lived according to their own desires and standards. False prophets of that time blithely proclaimed that Jerusalem was forever destined to be “the temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD,” taking God’s love and grace for granted (Jeremiah 7:4 ESV), and King Jehoiakim of Judah even had the audacity to throw God’s words into the fire after he heard the prophetic words written by Baruch and Jeremiah. When I think of God, the creator of these people, I feel it is only natural that his response is displeasure:

“For long ago I broke your yoke

And burst your bonds;

But you said, ‘I will not serve.’

Yes, on every high hill

And under every green tree

You bowed down like a whore.”

(Jeremiah 2:20 ESV)

From the beginning, God made for us to worship no other gods besides him. Judah’s rejection of following even the first of the Ten Commandments earned them their exile, where God took them to an unfamiliar land with new language and foreign culture, making them serve the king of Babylon for seventy years. This became the turning point in history when the people of Israel began to believe strictly in our monotheistic creator God.

While in our present time we may not physically build statues and bow down to idols, false gods are evident throughout our modern institutions. Whether it be education, beauty, comfort, science, or even our own self-sufficiency, these idols we worship pervade our culture and our lives in such a way that we learn to become dependent on the wrong things.

Strip it all away. When a pandemic takes politicians to overcrowded hospitals, leaves 401K’s and financial institutions in shambles, prevents us from sharing intimate moments with loved ones and friends, and replaces in-person classes with Zoom meetings, we begin to realize that everything screams uncertainty. But not God:

At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, “Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.” The words “once more” indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.”' (Hebrews 12:28-29 ESV)

The institutions that we are holding onto will only lead to failure and disappointment. While it may have seemed to the nation of Judah pre-exile and to us pre-COVID-19 that to let go of the world was costly and too big a burden, our false gods can never provide what God can. God calls us to put our trust in him alone because he is the only one that is imperishable, perfectly beautiful, and powerful.

As I read the Book of Jeremiah, I felt God revealing to me idol after idol I had been worshiping in addition to God. I immediately felt ashamed, realizing that I was the modern day version of Judah. Applying to the biggest finance firms to become “successful” upon graduation, planning my study abroad at Oxford University for the added prestige, and striving to make the Bowdoin community my new home, I had mapped out my whole life for myself, pushing God into a tight corner of my heart to provide for me only when I felt the uncertainty of my plans. My dependence on God’s goodness exactly paralleled that of the false prophet’s assurances, crying that Jerusalem was to be, “the temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD” (Jeremiah 7:4 ESV) regardless of their faithfulness to God.

God is greater than my dependence on institutions like my future job and resume, friendship, family, financial security, and my own pride. Through the Book of Jeremiah, God taught me that there is no such thing as self-sufficiency and that the only time we are truly secure is when we put our hope in his faithfulness to us. When I recall the relief I felt when I heard Bowdoin College went remote, I realize thatI was exhausted trying to find lasting stability in things that are inherently unstable. And all the time, it wasn't that God wasn’t with me, but it was my thoughts, priorities, fears, and meditations that weren’t in line with his.

For me, COVID-19 isn't a period of exile. It is a period of de-exile where I have learned to accept the ever-constant invitation of God to draw closer to him, experience his loving forgiveness, receive his correction, and thank him for his promises.

Just as God promised the nation of Judah during their exile:

“For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, ‘Know the LORD,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.” (Jeremiah 31:33-34 ESV)

“Behold, I will gather them from all the countries to which I drove them in my anger and my wrath and in great indignation. I will bring them back to this place, and I will make them dwell in safety. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them.” (Jeremiah 32:37-39 ESV)

I found God the Father waiting for me to realize his loving heart, experience incredible forgiveness, and believe in his never-ending faithfulness. I realized it didn’t matter if I made myself a “home” at Bowdoin or in LA, in the UK while studying abroad or in these powerless institutions. If I am far from God, I will always be in exile, never truly home, to the Father who loved me from the moment he created me and provides for my every need. Every time we get closer to understanding our relationship to God, we come one step closer to our final destination, to our Father who loves us deeply. Thus, I praise God for remaining faithful, meeting us where we are, and encouraging us to come home to him!

Prayer

Thank you God for bringing our attention to the Book of Jeremiah in this year’s study. I can’t wrap my head around the irony that we studied about the justice you brought to the nation of Judah as social isolation and remote learning was brought upon Bowdoin immediately after. God your timing and your ways are unexplainable but I do not question the goodness of your heart. Thank you for granting us this unique opportunity to study your message to Judah before and during their exile to search for truth in our own lives.

God I admit that my idols will never amount to your faithfulness. Help me to let go of my pride and self-sufficiency and trust you with my plans, for I acknowledge that without you I am running a race to find a security that I cannot win.

You can be content with your faith until God pushes you a bit deeper and you realize all the ways in which you’ve been complacent. Thank you God for pushing me to deeply examine how I would react when all my plans turned to dust and my life was rendered out of my control. Let me never be content with my faith, and continue to test the state of my heart.

Thank you God for redefining the meaning of home in my life. Home is where I have you and because you faithfully never leave me, I will go into places unknown, unseen, and unexpected in hopes that I might come one step closer to you.

My one and only institution, Jesus Christ— prophet, priest, king. . . one and only God— I trust in who you are, what you are doing, and in the mystery of your ways.

Push me into the unknown, lead me into spaces unexpected, and move me to speak your name into spaces that need awakening. Whether it be Bowdoin College, or my home— whether it be Oxford University or Zoom University, I have faith that wherever you send me, you will be waiting for me there.

Prepare my mind for action, increase my faith, and share my part of your plan with me.

Thank you that your words will never pass away. You are the forever God.

Thank you for loving us always.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Maverick City Music “Promises” Lyrics

God of Abraham, God of covenant and of faithful promises

Time and time again You have proven You’ll do just what you said

Though the storms may come and the winds may blow I’ll remain steadfast

And let my heart learn when you speak a word it will come to pass

Great is your faithfulness to me

From the rising sun, to the setting same

I will praise your name

Great is your faithfulness to me

God from age to age, though the earth may pass away, Your word remains the same

You’re history can prove there’s nothing You can’t do, You’re faithful and True

I put my faith in Jesus

My anchor to the ground

My hope and firm foundation

He’ll never let me down